Great Australian Literature

Well, as with most things this started out with the best of intentions, but I am afraid we have all lost.  Especially you.

I wanted to read some Australian literature while I was in Australia.  I popped on to the internet machine and researched good books from Australian authors.  I searched for "Best Australia Books".  Damn it.  That's more on travel.  So, I googled  "Best Books by Australian Authors", I was not feeling lucky.  And now neither should you.

Understand, now I have put legitimate time and effort into internet searches which generally lead to some librarian's top 10 Australia books which are listed on web pages covered in cats.  Everything I read mentioned this gentleman, Patrick White.  Apparently my boy Patty (as I have taken to calling him) won a Nobel prize in literature.  On top of that his crowning jewel was a book titled Voss.  Oh Amazon, you make it so easy to buy!  So I bought it at approximately 11:51 PM and rolled over and went to sleep, feeling pretty good about myself.

I think you know now, why we all lose.  I bought a book that won a Nobel Prize about Australia, which I plan to read in Australia.  One day I am going to corner you in public and recount the whole tale to you. In some dry stuffy voice I am going to make you endure how much better of a person I am for reading this amazing book.  You will pretend to care, but you probably won't try to care.  I will try to sound important and you will stare at me and know I am full of shit.  I'll be looking into your face trying to see if you realize I full of shit, while trying to impress you about what boils down to the fact that I can read.  I'll try to drag the conversation out and you will try to cut it short by nodding as fast as you can.  In the end you will tell me you wish you had had that exact same experience just to placate me and I'll walk away thinking you bought into my B.S.

However, I will be thinking in the back of my mind I wish I had read something else, because this book was Jane Eyre with an Australian accent. A Nobel prize doesn't necessarily translate into interesting, more or less it means a lot of words I don't understand and complex sentences that I had to re-read. You won't get that from me in the course of our conversation. You won't hear, "Man, I wish I had just read a John Grisham."  So we both lose,  I will make you suffer not because I want you to think I am smart like you might think, I will make you suffer slowly and painfully, because I suffered through this book.

So, consider yourself warned if you run into me after July 10th.